It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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