This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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