tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
