can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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