You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You ruined the universe
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
