It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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