I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
