question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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