easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
