You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
