I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
