I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
