you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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