I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
