They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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