I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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