you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
