You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
