it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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