i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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