I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
