Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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