You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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