Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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