I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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