so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
