Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
