Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize