I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
