I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
