I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
