The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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