im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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