We won't sleep together?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize