There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
