i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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