Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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