what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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