you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
