sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
