two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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