I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
