shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
