im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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