FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
