sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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