Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
