This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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