Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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