I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
