found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
