On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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