Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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