finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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