my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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