I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
