I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
