She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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