woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
