Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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