it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
