it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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