standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
