He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
