I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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