So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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