Non-Jews are for practice
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
